To be still
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. ~ Albert Einstein
One thing I’ve loved about being on my own is the sheer abundance of quiet time. Entire days sometimes go by without interruption and where I don’t interact with another soul. I remember in my youth sometimes feeling achingly alone, but that’s a distant memory now. I’m not reclusive in the least; I still love spending time with friends and family, but getting back to the sanctity and solitude of my own space is almost always a joy.
Maybe it’s a novelty, but it’s been perfect for what I need now. Time to reflect and introspect. Time to marvel and lose myself in wonder or abstract thought. Time to pray and draw near to God. To examine and make peace with my longings. I think I, like many others, got so caught up in the busyness of day-to-day life that I seldom assigned myself dedicated me-time to just be, and now I delight in it. It feels to me almost like the homecoming of my prodigal self.
There’s a seasonal waterfall on the mountain behind where I live and I walk up there and then down to and along the beach most mornings to ground myself and remind myself of the beauty I’m immersed in. It’s a spiritual ritual I’ve made routine. Every day is unique – the sky, the birds, the sea, the sunlight on the mountain. The waterfall is a trickle now after the first rains of the coming winter and I’m eagerly looking forward to it being a thundering torrent again soon. Everything has a season, and indeed there will be time.
I’m sure my current state of being is also a phase, and in many ways I feel as though my life is at an inflection point between the old and the new, on my bodily journey from new to old. I have no idea what the future holds or what tomorrow might bring, but that’s exciting in itself and I’m filled with hope and optimism for what lies ahead. Like the opening of Robert Browning’s poem Rabbi Ben Ezra:
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”
